


Not Broken

by messofthejess



Category: Soul Eater
Genre: Coming Out, Demisexuality, F/M, Sexuality, in which Stein actually learns something about himself
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-25
Updated: 2016-11-25
Packaged: 2018-09-02 05:11:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8652235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/messofthejess/pseuds/messofthejess
Summary: What he felt had a name. The scientific side of his brain cheered at the thought of being able to catalogue the previously uncatalogued. Some would scoff at his undying need to know, to put a label on things. But he didn’t know he needed a label this badly.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [makapedia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/makapedia/gifts), [DollyPop](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DollyPop/gifts).



> I dedicate this fic to two people: DollyPop, who introduced me to her demi!Stein headcanon that I adopted and adore, and makapedia, whose ace-spec fics for SoMa make my heart so happy.

 

            “Well, of _course_ Spirit and Sid are a thing, ‘Zusa. I was the one who set them up!”

            Stein scooted into the living room on his wheeled office chair, ears eager to catch more. Gossip was never his favorite thing, mostly because it was all about him when he was a student, but it was how animated Marie got when sharing it that he liked. Her stockinged feet were curled up on the couch underneath her, her eye sparkling as she gestured wildly to Azusa on the other end of the phone. _Say Yes to the Dress_ or whatever reality show she’d been engrossed in prior was muted. Her loose-fitting shirt was slipping wayward to her shoulder, revealing the dark marks he’d left all along her neck last night. All thoughts of getting something to drink from the fridge were forgotten.

            Spirit and Sid? He can’t say he’d ever thought of it before, but on consideration it did make sense. The two had seemed perpetually single, even with Spirit getting tangled around the ladies at Chupa Cabra’s every weekend. Pansexual, that’s what Spirit was. Stein’s Internet research had brought up descriptions that fit his ex-weapon to a T; he was amazed he’d never come across the term before. Admittedly, his research had never forayed much into sexuality—he could thank Marie for expanding his horizons in that area. It was fascinating, having a whole new set of labels to put on behaviors he once thought undefinable.

            “He could be gay and demi, you know,” Marie said, curling up tighter on the couch. From this angle, Stein had a very good view of his fiancée’s perfectly round rear, today made quite prominent by her choice to wear yoga pants. Bless her ass, literally. “Demisexual, ‘Zusa. Please tell me you’ve heard the word before.”

            Oh, now there was a new addition to his vocabulary. The word rolled around his head like a marble. He knew his etymology: _demi_ meant half, less than whole, and he didn’t need to parse out what _sexual_ meant. Marie had unwittingly handed him another research project, which he was grateful for. His mind was getting stale on chemical equations and molecular structures; a change of pace was needed. Stein watched his fiancée chatter on the phone for another minute or two, returning the wiggle of her fingers with a knowing grin, then pushed off backwards through the kitchen and back to the lab.

            It was the third word that popped up in Google search results after he typed in _demi_ , after entries for two names he didn’t recognize (celebrities, he guessed). The first entry had an .org in the web address—seemed promising. He clicked on the page and read:

_Demisexuality is a sexual orientation in which someone feels sexual attraction only to people with whom they have an emotional bond. Most demisexuals feel sexual attraction rarely compared to the general population, and some have little to know interest in sexual activity…_

_Emotional intimacy is a main component…some demisexuals find themselves attracted to close friends or romantic partners. Other components may include familiarity with the person and knowledge about them (ex: learning about aspects of their personality)._

            Stein blinked at the computer monitor. This sounded exactly like _him_. Out of all the reading he’d done, out of all the papers published on university websites and peer-reviewed articles, he’d never found anything that fit, anything that described his feelings toward Marie. For years he’d been baffled by Spirit’s behavior of chasing after any girl he saw, of rambling on and on about how hot they were, of bragging about his and Kami’s more intimate adventures (seriously, the man had no filter). He’d watched Azusa and Nygus bashfully come closer and closer together, but he wasn’t female, and he wasn’t asexual as Azusa labeled herself. No, he definitely thought Marie was attractive, definitely wanted to kiss her and hold her and take her any way she pleased. He definitely had a libido. But he’d been so confused about why it was only for her.

            Well. Now the answer was on the screen in front of him.

            He wasn’t broken. Relief welled in his chest, and he pressed his head into his palms, feeling oddly like crying. What he felt had a name. The scientific side of his brain cheered at the thought of being able to catalogue the previously uncatalogued. Some would scoff at his undying need to _know_ , to put a label on things. But he didn’t know he needed a label this badly. He wasn’t _broken._

            He must tell Marie, but he wasn’t about to do so without more information. Stein was nothing if not a well-informed teacher. His mouse drifted up to the Articles link at the top of the page, opening up tab after tab for browsing. There was a forum for other demisexuals to ask questions and meet one another; he didn’t feel like making an account, but he browsed through the threads all the same. He headed back out to the Google search results page, skimming over most of the clickbait-y quizzes that jumped out at him. He even found himself stumbling through this website with a dull blue background comprised mostly of GIFs (an astonishing number of them pornographic) and self-labeled shitposts made by people who either didn’t know where the Shift key was or didn’t know how to turn Caps Lock off, but it was interspersed with small posts validating his newfound identity. Turns out he had more in common with Azusa than he thought—their sexualities belong on the same spectrum.

            It must have been late, late enough for Marie to be concerned, because she came padding into the lab and tapped him on the shoulder like she was trying to wake a sleeping bear.

            “Franken? Are you all right?”

            “Hmm?”

            “You’ve been in here for a while, and you came out earlier like you wanted to tell me something.”

            Marie’s choice of the phrase _come out_ almost made him laugh out loud, but a low chuckle rolled in his throat instead. He took her hand in his, rubbing gently over the knuckles. “There’s something I need to show you,” he said, nodding at the screen. “Look.”

            Marie bent down and peered with her one good eye. “How is that goat clinging to the rock? It’s completely vertical!”

            “No, no, not that.” Stein’s ears pinked as he flicked over to the tab he started with. “This. Look at it.”

            He zoomed in on the text so she could read without as much strain. Her hand never left his, though she squeezed when she read the part about emotional intimacy. When she got down to the bottom of the page, she let out a breath he wasn’t aware she’d been holding in.

            “Oh, Franken,” Marie whispered. “Is this…?”

            “This is who I am,” he answered. “You might have thought I was being overdramatic when I said I’d never experienced attraction to anyone before you, but it’s true. For years, I thought I was deficient. Malformed somehow. I was…”

            He couldn’t bring himself to say the word, but somehow Marie seemed to know what he was about to say. She wrapped her arms around his broad shoulders, her cheek brushing against his stubble. Her soul hummed out for his, searching, and he granted her resonance gladly.

            “You’re not broken,” she said after a long stretch of quiet. Her voice was watery, but he could definitely feel her smile. “You never were.”

**Author's Note:**

> The italicized text comes from demisexuality.org, which is indeed the first Google search result that pops up when you type in "demisexual." 
> 
> Marie's comment about Sid being gay and demi is still correct; what she means is Sid is homoromantic and demisexual. Romantic behavior and preferences is separate from sexual behavior and preferences.
> 
> Yes, Stein ended up on Tumblr. I pray for him.
> 
> And finally...  
> Although I am not demisexual myself, or anywhere on the ace spectrum, I acknowledge just how important it is to be able to see yourself in media and in the characters you love. Please know you are cared about and loved, and your identity is valid. You belong.


End file.
